Desiring God

“Love is the overflow of joy in God that gladly meets the needs of others” - John Piper
I hope I learn to love the right way so it is pleasing not only to others but to God also so it can bring true joy unto myself. I have learned that this is not selfish but something that God delights in so we should also.

2nd place

I seem to like being second best, I am the opportunity cost.So thankful the only opinion that matters doesn't think of me this way.

Again

I am once again going to try to live by my own advice and stop idolizing something and give it to Him. I do not know why it is so hard. I have no complainants about giving it to Him but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I have thought one way for the last 4 years and to just stop my mind is very challenging. Luckily God is so much greater then I and He can do it easily. He wont make it easy because then I will not get the full benefit but He will never give me more then I can handle. I hate feeling like I was powerless in this situation, but who am I to change fate? I may have done everything right but it was just not part of the plan. I just hope I can someday truly believe that and not think I was inadequate. I just need to let go of it and let more of God in to fill the space I have been filling with something earthly which has only brought pain. I will be able to find all the joy I need in Christ.

Salvation

I am around 100pages into "Desiring God" and it is amazing and life changing. It is also very harsh, I always hoped the narrow path was wider then He eludes too. It never seemed fully right that all one had to do was believe that Jesus died for our sins and a few things that go along with that to enter Heaven. While there are verses that state that, John Piper shows us so many more which demonstrate how few Christians will actually enter into His kingdom. I am very happy to be one of His elect but it brings me great sorrow knowing how many people I once hoped would make it in most likely wont. He is still just, and I definitely do not deserve the grace He gave me by electing me, but it still hurts to think of all the people living with the wrong heart who just don't understand what God wants from them. My prayers go to all of them, it might be a greater call to help the lukewarm Christians become Christian Hedonists. If you really think about the number of people who are truly loving and living in Him the number is minuscule. We are told the small number of people who attend church, unfortunately this number does not correlate very well with the people who are living for Him.

Books

I don't have much homework to do this week. This brings me joy because I have been neglecting good reading for schoolwork. Today I read my 3rd Joshua Harris book, "Stop Dating The Church, Fall In Love With The Family Of God". It was really good. I can't believe how long I have gone without being a part of a church. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway - no more. I also read a few chapters in "Don't Waste Your Life" and "Desiring God". I need to get back into "Piercing the Darkness" and I will be getting a new book for my Fellowship group. I still have our other membership book to read and it would always be nice to just read the Bible. I start my day with 2 devotionals and I have my Thursday Night Bible Study book to read. It is times like this which make me wish I was going to Seminary rather than Public Health. How great would the homework be? Right now I am reading 5 different text books about health care. It requires a few hours every day in tedious, repetitive health care drivel. If my school work was also my passion how great would that be? It would never feel like a waste. For now it is just an unrealistic dream, it can go along side all my other dreams that are too outlandish for me to pursue.

I always hated reading growing up, I forced myself to like it because I realized I could never be anything without it. Readers are Leaders

Excited

This is going to be another great week. I am starting to get busy which is amazing. Notables this week are Stephie's 22nd Birthday, Josh visiting, Phil Wickham; all this along with the normal Thursday Bible Study and amazing church make for a ever improving time up in Tally.

I had a great day, loving and productive. I met some amazing people at church and at my fellowship group. These are the people I have been looking my whole life for, people who immediately show you love. I have never been good at doing that but I knew it was something Christians were suppose to do but I had never witnessed it. At Four Oaks everyone has shown so much love and I have only been there for about a month.

God is good. I have more joy in my life then ever before. I may have a lot of problems right now but that is the great thing about joy, it is not dependent on circumstances, God just grants it to you.

Thank you for Joy and Peace in my time of despair and uncertainty Lord.

Me

I am not trying to be better then anyone. I just don't want to ever stop trying to be more like Him.