Last Week

This is my last week in Tally. I wish I could make the most of it but I have a lot of catching up to do. I guess people don't take 6, 4000 level classes for a reason. I can't wait to go home next week. I am going to miss it up here but right now I miss home more. I still have this great peace over my life from God. I asked Him for 4 things for spring; understanding, work, admission to FSU and a place to live. I always need more understanding but He has helped me a lot.The only one left for Him to graciously give me is a place to live. I am excited to see where that will be, I would like to find it before I go home but I'm not too worried about it. Matthew 6:25-34 tells me to never be anxious, God cares about me more then I care about myself. He loves me more then my earthly father and I know my Dad would not let me be homeless so neither will God. I am falling more in Love with God everyday.

Epiphany

Over this last week I have finally realized some crazy things about my self and about God's purpose in the past things of my life. Just today something was revealed to me that explains something I have been confused about for years. I was never quiet long enough to hear Him, I now hear Him daily. God shows me how understanding doesn't change anything and the only reason for Him to show me this is to give me comfort and to bring Him glory.

Desiring God - part 2

I would beg anyone reading this to please read Desiring God by John Piper. It has helped me so much over the past few weeks. I keep wanting to paste huge passages from it onto this but there are just too many. I know I have not been the biggest reader and there are still many great books for me to read but this book will have a lasting effect on my life, I pray it would help change yours too. I spent the day reading it along with the Bible. So much more important then school work. Another night home, not alone, I am never alone anymore. I just never noticed Him there before.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/17440310/Desiring-GodJohn-Piper

Bucket List

I was looking at someone’s bucket list and I started thinking about all the things I want to do before I die and I realized that none of them matter.

My list tells me to live every day like it is my last and to love one more person so fervently that they see Jesus and are then saved by His grace. I mean how many people out there have done an Ironman, started a family, and been a great businessman? They will not be remembered. His love is the only thing lasting and the people we save are the only things we get to bring with us once we die. I am going to selfishly bring as much as I can to heaven with me.

Time and Money

Those are two things I am running out of. My boss is acting like my job, which I was planning on getting for while I get my masters, might not be there. I just have to pray for that. I also still don't have a place to live. I am not sure what I should do for my housing situation. I might see if there is a church family that will let me live with them. I would like to get out of school in as little debt as possible and it looks like there is not a lot, if any, financial aid available. I also realized that it makes since to move back home after thanksgiving. So now I have to get all my things set up for FSU, find a house and pack up in the next 2 weeks. I have a million things due for school and I'm still suppose to go out of town this weekend. Would it be horrible for me to try to get out of it?

Trusting

I have decided that I am going to be happy with whatever happens. God has not failed me yet and I know He never will so my fears are gone. I am just excited to see what happens.

Prayer

I am so weak Lord. I have not been able to accept that you are all I need. I am so close to ruining something great that you blessed me with because nothing on this earth is ever enough. I know that no matter what you give me I will want more, for this I am sorry. I want, so badly, to be solely satisfied in you. I have been trying for years.

Please give me wisdom to understand and words to speak. Please let whatever happens be pleasing to you. Please give me patience and clarity to see there is a MUCH MUCH bigger plan then the one I want so badly. This way when my plan fails I will still have hope, which is what I fear most, losing hope. I want a definite answer but I only have a 50-50 chance of being happy by it without your help. With you the answer is arbitrary. Keep my hope intact Lord. Never let me forget that this world has nothing for me. My prayer is basically the song “Rescue”, it is a great song.

I see how you have intervened every time I was about to mess up my life and prevented me from doing it. Even though I did not understand or like it at the time, I am so thankful.

Keep me loving and seeking you first, I hate it when I let others take your place.

In Jesus name we pray, Amen