Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Luke 18:25

This was posted on Twitter by John Piper. It was written by his eldest son. I liked how it related to what I was saying yesterday, and it is amazing.

Luke 18.25
by Karsten Piper

He spread his blanket on the sand,
kneeled and arranged his bowls and tools:
hook, mallet, clamp, chisel, rasp, razor.

His smile glinted in the rongeur’s claws,
and upside down in the curette’s spoon.
Light shone out of the needle’s eye.

“Hoosh,” he said and began plucking hairs,
paring calluses, shearing wool, shaving
to the follicles, cutting to the quick.

He sorted these, trimming skin with skin,
hair with hair, into rows of clay bowls,
and set a large basin to catch each sour drip

as he sliced the hide and used both fists
to yank back the whole stubbled, gray pelt,
as wet and red on its underside as afterbirth.

He piled this heavily away, draping it
in clean linen, and turned to the meat and bone
heaving under sheer, tight membrane.

Sawteeth chewed into femur, rib and shoulder.
Pliers twisted and wrenched away tendons
until everything softened, canted, and collapsed—

yet not one sliver dies. Each ribbon and shard
bawls for the horror and hurt of their missing,
wishing for the old braying wholeness.

Pain bloodies evening and morning,
stabbing day after day from even the first cuts,
like the slow light of far stars.

Eyeballs and heart float alone in the last bowl,
dark and defenseless, quavering when he leans down
and they recognize in his eyes how little is left.

“Easy now, Camel,” he says and lifts me
in his fingertips, one quivering strand at a time,
through the eye of the needle.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Knocks Me Down

Last week I was feeling great, I thought everything was finally how it should be and I had finally grown up. This week showed me how weak I am, I still have way too much of my happiness tied up in people. I was hoping that I had gotten past that and I was content with only having God's love. I was lying to myself. It doesn't matter how many Bible verses I can quote about this, I know how I am suppose to feel. I am just not there yet. I know He is enough and the things of earth should not bring me pleasure. I pray that I can grow to a point where I truly stop searching the world for contentment and let God give me the abounding joy he has in store for me.

I feel like God is trying to break me so I will stop relying on myself. I wish he would just get it over with and stop doing it little by little dragging it out. I know I am too confident in my own abilities and I would love to give all my problems to Christ, I just don't know how.

I will just have to allow God to teach me though pain how to let go and listen to Him. It will only hurt worse if I resist.

Friday, September 25, 2009

FSU Cross Country

So while I was out on my run today I decided that I think I can make the FSU Cross Country team in the fall. They have guys who are only running 27s. I think by the fall I will be able to do that. I will be happy if they let me run just one race. I can get a jersey and say I did it. I realized that I have never not made a team in my life, so why should I think I can't make this one. After I qualify for Boston I will work on my speed and learn how to hold 5:30s and I should be set. How sweet would it be to get one more year of collegiate running in. FSU has a great team too, so I wont feel like a loser for only making FAU's team. I'll finished up my masters and run cross country, sounds good.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

2 types of runs

So there are two different types of runs that I go on. I have my easy runs which I like to use as quiet time with God. When I am just jogging around and looking at the beauty of the world He created I can really feel Him. I honestly don't know how I could go without running at least a few days a week. It clears my head and makes me feel so much better. I spend the majority of this run thinking, praying and singing. I don't think anyone can here me so I sing pretty loud. Then there are my hard runs, these are no fun at all; unless they are with other people. If I am racing someone I can get a little joy out of it, but by myself it is just pain. I only do a hard run once or maybe twice a week so it isn't too bad. On these runs I listen to music to try to stop my mind from thinking. They hurt really bad and usually take a long time so anything that can divert my mind is appreciated.

Today's run was a hard one. I wanted to see how long it would take me to run from my house to the Art building. I thought it was 5 miles away, but it was only around 4.5. I made it in 29mins but it was too hard. I ran past it a little and made my run last an hour and a half. The rest of the run was just miserable. I was thirsty and dead. It was my 3rd day in a row of running. I have been having legs problems and have only been running 2 consecutive days for a while now. Good news is that my leg didn't hurt and I now have a day or two off because I need to study.


I feel like my last post made me sound like I understood God and how to live right. I have no idea at all. I love posting verses and writing about things I understand, but anyone can do that. I do not want people to think of me as an arrogant christian who thinks he knows everything. I struggle to find answers every time I am challenged by unbelievers. How sad is that when I went to christian school and have been a christian my whole live? I have read the Bible in its entirety and still can't find words to help in most situations. All I can do is keep learning and praying for the gift of saving souls. Yes, the main mission of Christians is to share the word, which I have done. To my knowledge I have never led anyone to believing though. I think most people I try to tell the good news to are upset that I did so. I want to help play my part in this world and make the angels rejoice.

I humbly come giving my two cents on life with very limited knowledge. God used Moses, giving him the words to speak. If something good comes out of me, it is not from me but Him.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Why not?

I have been keeping a Journal and writing Blogs for classes so I decided to just add a Blog to post my real thoughts and feelings.

Things have been really different for me lately but in a good way. I was afraid that I would fall back into a comfort zone once I got up here. I did not want to fall back at all in my relationship once I left the strong love of my home. I knew it would be hard too; having my best friend in a fraternity and being around that scene.

I surprised myself at how completely uninterested I am to the things of this world. I have always been relatively resistant to temptations but now the things I use to struggle with don't even tempt me anymore. I laugh at their uselessness and the pain they cause. I am reminded in Proverbs 27:12,"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it". I just hope I am the prudent, there are really so many dangers, I have been pretty good at taking refuge from the obvious ones but there is so much more.

I have also been given a great peace this last week. I have been reading a lot for once and I came across some stories which demonstrated God's timing so beautifully. For some reason, I guess it is stems from never being in a relationship, I had had a fear of never getting married. This is just crazy to be thinking at only 21. I don't know if it came from that or all the school work, real work or entrance exams I have been worrying about but I have been restless for the first time in my life since I have been up here. It has never taken me longer then 5mins to fall asleep before I moved to Tallahassee. For the past 4 weeks I have laid in bed for hours every night. I think it will start to fade away because I truly found peace last weekend. God has something so amazing for me if I can just be patient. In Christ the best is always yet to come.

Casting my cares to Christ; He cares for me more then I can imagine.