Friday, March 26, 2010

Lawyers, Lobbyist and Legislatures

Those are the people I spend my days with now. A few weeks ago I had no idea what Session was but now I find myself knee deep in it. This is a very exciting time; it’s the 2 months we have to pass laws. My office, FHCA, has been kind enough to allow me to be a part of their political team this year. It’s funny how last week the capital was big, confusing and filled with tons of people. This week I found myself wondered by how small it is. Sure there are thousands of people there but I see so many familiar faces every day that it is now a friendly place. Maybe it’s because I am probably the youngest person there or my happy smile but everyone seems to recognize me so even if I don’t know someone’s name we will still say hi. I spend my days hanging out with our lobbyists, fighting for the rights of those who are too busy providing care to our elders to testify for themselves.

If you asked me last month what I wanted to do I wouldn’t have even thought about saying lobbyist but I am thinking about it now. My boss suggested I try it after I finish my internship because I would be good at, be helping help others and taking home a nice paycheck. I am not sure if this is God’s plan for me yet but it does seem to be falling into place nicely. I will continue to have an open mind and heart to hear what God is really telling me.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Life hit me hard last week. I started working full time and with taking 12 credits and all the other things I am involved with it has been a little overwhelming.

I am scared by all the contacts I have already made. Should I give up the doors the Lord keeps opening for me here in the USA to force myself into another country? Or am I lying to myself and only continue to take the path of least resistance. I knew going into this that it would be easy to meet people at the Capital because of my name so why am I surprised when it happens? I am just getting sucked more and more into the American dream, I mean I almost bought an Iphone the other day! I told myself I would never live different if I had money and I need to stick to that. If God wants me to stay in America and change lives here I will, but I will not forget to live simply and give dangerously.

Its crazy how many times I have to stop myself from thinking I know what is best for me and what will make me happy and I think this will glorify God in the process. How is doing ME, glorifying anything other then me?

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Tough Love

I am having trouble finding the balance between being an accepting, loving friend and being a friend who loves enough to not keep silent about sin. I guess it depends on the situation and the person but I never know how hard to confront sin. I always feel like I will scare people away or ruin relationships. I have decided that I am okay with ruining every relationship I have for Christ. The tricky part is knowing if speaking out is the best method. Can they see the Christian life just by my unconditional love? They might but I think I have been living in that mindset for too long now and I need to step my love up. Love does not let someone destroy themselves. I am sorry to anyone I hurt, I am not judging, I am the worst sinner anyway, I am only trying to get you closer to God. Love is driving this, nothing else. I wish more people loved me this much because it makes breaking sins hold so much easier.

God gives me the power to stop people from wasting life and show them the path to eternal life, how cool is that. I just pray that everything I do or say is from God with love. Is there a better way to show someone I care about them?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Lord please remove my selfish, prideful heart. You continue to bless me as I continue to take pride in your blessings as if I had something to do with them. This is embarrassing , why do I still want to exalt myself among men? I am proud of my job, which you handed me. I am proud at what my boss and our CEO said to me today when they took me out to lunch. Everything good they said about me wasn’t really me at all; any seemingly good within me is you Lord. If they saw me without You, I probably wouldn’t have a job. I had to hold back tears today when they were saying my praises because it was so real to me that what they were describing was not me at all but just You covering my flaws. Thank you Lord. Thank you for giving me a job where I can tell my boss that I am not sure what I will be doing after I graduate. I said I might go overseas to serve in missions or I might stay here to serve in missions, we are all missionaries and I will only be in a career which I feel does good or where I can witness and serve the Lord. I said I have no problem staying with them if I feel that the Lord has placed me there for a reason but if I don’t feel that then I will do something else. I said I don’t really make plans for my future and I don’t care if I reach my goals which I have made because I don’t know yet if they are God’s same goals. How can I plan ahead when God is the one opening the doors and pulling my arm to follow Him? Our CEO is a Christian and asked a lot about Four Oaks and he said he thinks he’s going to come try it out because he has heard a lot of good things about it.

I might be wrong but I would assume many people don’t tell their bosses those things when they are at a meeting about future career placement. I feel like God has surrounded me and I am always free to speak His name. I don’t speak it lightly either, He is my all and that is different from most but I think I was respected for what I had to say. It might not have helped me find a full time job but who cares about that, God will always provide.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


There has to be a parallel here. I realized how much I fight my Mom’s help. I want to show her that I don’t need her help anymore but she gets most of her joy from me needing her help. I wish I had realized this sooner so I could have given her more joy. Instead I fought it my whole life. Why do I so badly not want her to feel needed? Does it make me feel better? Not really. This made me think about God and how I do the same thing to Him. I want to show Him that I don’t need Him. Won’t He be proud of what I can do on my own? It is not a perfect analogy but it kind of got me thinking. My Mom just wants to feel needed and I just want to be independently strong. With God, He needs to be needed or I will fail but I still just want to be independently strong.

It hurts knowing that I won’t ever really have the opportunity to make my mom feel needed again. I don’t even really feel like family anymore, I am a relative. I will never live at home again, I will continue to come home for weekends here and there but that is it. It doesn’t bother me because I will get to spend eternity with my family in heaven but I know it matters to my Mom. She is too sick to make a trip up to see me so I will have to continue to remember how much it matters to her that I visit. I almost wish my family didn’t love me so much so I wouldn’t feel so bad about not being able to be there for them much anymore. I just wish my Mom knew how much I love her, it seems like she doesn’t. It doesn’t matter how much I tell her, she has some problems which make it hard for her. She is pretty sickly this week, as usual, and I pray that if it’s God’s will that He will spare her for many more years. Her health scares me, when I tell God that He can break me I pray that He doesn’t start by taking her from me.