For those who can truly say “the remembrance of our sins is grievous unto us, the burden of them is intolerable.” These people will find a sweet means of grace in eating and drinking at the table of our Lord. Sometimes I am close to vomiting when I am convicted of sin. I think of the gruesome, filthy love of sin my body seems to thrive on and I realize without God I am a mere slave. Things I do not want to do I do because satin is a lot stronger then I like to think, or I just enjoy his lies.
What separates me from those destined for hell? It would be really hard for many to notice the ever so slight difference. My heart is completely different and I have been given a new body but it appears so similar. I yearn fervently to be without sin but then how would I be able to feel and display God’s grace? Because I am so dirty I am unable to boast in anything other than the cross.
I will continue to sin, it is inevitable, but I will keep trying to be more like Jesus. I fall prostrate on the ground confessing how truly disgusting I really am in disbelief that you still love me, I don’t know how anyone could. I have asked for a second chance every day, multiple times, for close to 15 years now. Thank you for never growing tired of my repetitive voice of false promises and regret. You say I don’t talk to you enough when I feel like I spend most of my days apologizing and asking for strength to the point where you would be sick of me.
Lord, fix my eyes on you. I will always come to you every morning, noon and night. The more I know you the more sin I will see. I am in a losing battle but you provide me with a victory still. How can I not cry when I myself am nailing you to the cross every minute of every day? Still your grace and love are enough. I fill my cup with you every morning and it never runs dry. You take away my guilt and shame with your promises. I seek nothing more then I seek you, fix my eyes so they never lose sight of your light on my path. I love you more than life because you first loved me enough to die just so I could one day see your face and fall into your embrace, oh what a day that will be!