Saturday, October 24, 2009


I wish I could look ahead 10 years just to make sure I’m doing it right. Will the people I can’t live without now still be in my life at all? I didn’t know any of them 10 years ago and I can’t expect us to stay close forever can I? I only went to FSU to prolong the inevitable, I was not ready to say goodbye yet. I only bought myself 2 more years before it just won’t be possible anymore. So much will change, how can I even guess what my life will look like? Do I really want it to resemble my present life, or even my vision? What I envision is always so much worse then what God blesses me with.

My main question is what I would do differently now if I saw a glimpse of my future and did not like it. I honestly think I am doing everything to the best of my ability and I know I am doing my very best to listen to God in every action. I hope God is setting me up for love and joy. At least I know if He is not, it is for His glory and I will be rewarded in my infinitely more important life after death.

New tangent, but still about the future- how fast people get married when they find the one. What is it going to feel like when my close friends go from single to married in 6 months? He has someone who loves me set aside; I just can’t wait until he reveals it to me. I know she is praying every night about me while I pray for her. I always seem to love the things that are worst for me; it is so good I am not choosing her. God chose the most amazing person in the world to love me and bring me joy. That is what I hope to see in 10 years - along with every other person in the world. I have made it 21 years so far without it, I still can’t decide if that is good or not. I probably have just as many problems from never having another person to love as it has saved me from. I might be a person with just too much passion to not have an outlet for it… I know I will make a great husband and father but maybe my passion is meant for something much greater. Without any outlet I can use it all for Him. This is not what selfish Tyler wants to see in 10 years but wouldn’t it be so much more beautiful?

I just hope I am strong enough to continue seeing the reasons in my situation even if it continues for the rest of my life. I will not find joy in my plan if it is not matching anyway. My long-term prayer needs to be two parts; I will continue to pray for her in hopes God will give me love but I will also pray that I will accept whatever happens and use it for the Kingdom.

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