Today I have a new prayer. It honors God a lot more then my old, selfish one which ended with "Your will be done", just to make me feel like I was not demanding something from Him, did.
The next 60 years of my life need to be spent with the sinners. I will be able to spend eternity worshiping God with all the people I love. I am glad I will not be able to feel guilt and sorrow for all the lives I could have brought with me to Heaven but chose to ignore. God will know what I have done and still look me in the eyes with more love then I have ever known. He asked so little of me and yet I did even less. I have no idea how God could love people, just another reason I know His way is better.
I also am praying even harder for my Mom. I talked to her on the phone today and she sounded so bad. She is in a lot of pain, she didn't even want to talk for very long because she hurt so bad. She was about to cry when I finished talking to her. I told her I was not sure if I was going to go home this weekend yet. I just don't like driving for 7hrs alone, but after I hung up I knew I would go see her. She loves me so much and I am the only one who lets her get close, my siblings really need to step it up. I never use to understand her because I never understood myself. She is so much like me. She is in so much anguish and I know that going to see her will at least make her feel loved which can cover the hurt of pain for at least a few moments.